


How to Live Life as an Ex-Warlord

by Deadlycat44



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Catra is trying her best, Domestic Fluff, Entrapta helps her goth alien man be himself, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hordak is Emotionally Constipated, Hordak is just trying to live his life okay, Hurt/Comfort, I'm a slut for happy endings, Lesbian Disaster Adora (She-Ra), Past Abuse, Slice of Life, This is mainly Entrapdak but other relationships show up, Wrong Hordak is such a cinnamon roll, past trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:00:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24792742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deadlycat44/pseuds/Deadlycat44
Summary: "Forgive and forget" is often easier said than done... Especially when you may or may not have waged war on an entire planet, all in the name of a manipulative intergalactic god. It's okay though, Hordak will get through it.An anthology in which Hordak lives his daily life post-Season 5, adjusting to Etheria and atoning. He finds himself stuck in various situations, approached by many different people. Making connections won't be easy, but he has his trusty Lab Partner to help him along the way.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Entrapta/Hordak (She-Ra)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 89





	1. The First Day of Many

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hordak is approached by a familiar face; one he never thought he'd see so soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love these characters okay

* * *

Loneliness is a fickle feeling; It's unpredictable, undesirable, and it constantly changes. Someone could feel entirely alone when surrounded by the masses. Other times, someone could be completely alone and feel as if they have all the connections in the world. 

This fact alone is why Hordak considered himself lucky that he was unbothered by it.

Well, that was a lie. He was unbothered _to an extent._ From very early on in his life, he knew loneliness. Perhaps not physically at first, or even mentally; but emotionally? He was completely closed off. There was no love between Horde Prime and his servants, there was no personal connection in the Hivemind. It was only a constant thrum of demands, mindless voices, and lifeless orders. He thought this lack of bonds was normal. He thought isolation was a sign of power, which is why he locked himself away on Etheria, rarely ever leaving his Sanctum. He learned to become indifferent to this feeling. There was even a time where Hordak thought what Prime showed him was mercy. He was so, so very wrong.

There was only one person he ever allowed to chisel their way into his - once thought - stone heart. It was unintentional, a mistake, but by the time he found out it was already too late. This person, one from a world he absolutely despised, _proved him wrong._ She proved that he really was bothered by loneliness, it just took someone special to bring it out of him. She proved that Hordak had no idea what true friendliness and connection was. She proved to him that he was worthy of compassion, even after he was thrown away by his creator. And currently, she was halfway across the once-rebellion's makeshift camp, leaving Hordak to stare idle at Etheria's sunset.

He nursed a cup of - now - lukewarm water as he sat there, on a fallen tree log, by himself. The day behind him was nothing but a blur now. The only thing he remembered at the moment was dropping his Brother off a ledge. He still felt sick when thinking back on it; He had his doubts, of _course_ he did. He wouldn't be himself without his constant worrying. On one hand, he felt as though he made the right decision, even if it did cause virtually every muscle on the left side of his body to tear. However, on the other hand, he wasn't entirely sure what he would do now. He had no purpose; No planet to conquer, no leader to return to. He had no doubt that he would have to help clean up the 'small' mess he made on Etheria, but what comes between that? 

He only wished he had Entrapta there to sit beside him. She was currently meeting with Adora and the rest of the princesses, trying to figure out what was next for the planet. He sighed as he poured the glass of water he was holding onto the dirt below, and placed the cup to the side. He sat for a few more moments in this silence before it was disturbed by the sound of crunching grass behind him.

"Staring at bright objects for too long isn't safe, y'know," a smug voice teased from behind him. He mentally cursed at himself. He knew all too well who was currently approaching his side. He wasn't expecting to have a conversation with them today. Or ever.

"Catra," he simply regarded her. He was not in the mood to be interrogated by his ex-Force Captain. Especially not after leaving off on such a sour note, and leaving half the Fright Zone in flames. He felt the tension between them thicken and prepared for the worst as she sat next to him.

The worst never came. She was still sitting a few feet away, not wanting to push the boundaries, but it took Hordak by surprise. He looked over to her, seeing her sheepishly wave at him and cross her legs on the log. "Look," she sighed, turning back to admire the sunset. "I know we, uh... had a minor disagreement back in the Fright Zone. And I electrocuted your only friend. And you basically sent me off to die. Bu-t!" she chuckled nervously and scratched the back of her head, "Adora told me that I have to make amends with _everybody_ if I want to get better... and that includes you." Her gaze fell to the dirt below, tail swishing behind her.

One look, and he knew how much it was taking out of her to even approach him. She may have been a great leader, one _very_ capable of speaking her mind, but her days of being in the Horde were gone. What was even more surprising was the implication that Adora herself asked Catra to come talk to him. These were perhaps the last two people in the entire galaxy who - he thought - should feel the need to forgive him. He's done so much to spite them and, looking back at his past self, he couldn't believe how naive and awful he used to be. 

"I..." his voice trailed off. How was he supposed to respond to that? He was taken completely off guard by such a simple act, a simple extension of a truce. He hadn't expected it at all, especially not from the person who he clashed with near constantly. 

"I am unsure why Adora would say such a thing," he started. "I have done nothing but destroy and take. Every decision I made, I made with the intention to conquer this world." He stopped to look back at the sunset, brows furrowing together. "I do not deserve this. I do not deserve whatever kindness you or Adora have shown me, or will plan on showing me..." He took one last deep breath, shoulders and ears falling in defeat. "I apologize for what I've done... Do with that what you will." 

He never knew that a simple sentence could be so hard to say. He believed every word of it though. How could he possibly deserve any of this? How could he deserve a second chance, forgiveness, or even a _friend?_ He knew words were difficult, especially with apologies, and he just hoped Catra would accept.

He nearly frowned when she started laughing. All the times he has heard her laugh, it had been laced with pure malice. She would use it to belittle and antagonize him. Something was different this time, though. Her laugh didn't have the edge that it used to. It didn't sound wicked. It sounded... genuine?

"I knew you were capable of spiels, but I didn't know they could be so damn sad." One of Hordak's ears flicked in annoyance. Was she taking this as a joke? His rising irritation quickly subsided, however, when her laughing stopped and she sighed. 

"I know you think you don't deserve any of this, and hell, maybe ya’ don't _._ But I don't care." She flashed him a small smile. "I could care less about what you think, Hordak. You should know this by now. And right now, I think you _need_ a second chance. 

"I saw you willingly submit yourself to torture because you remembered your past; because you remembered your name. Don't try to dance around this, either. You felt guilty about it, didn't you?" Her smile faded as her expression grew cold. She didn't wait for a response as she kept talking, hastily adding, "You wanted it all to be washed away. I know how you felt, Hordak, I was there in the Hivemind with you. It was fucking horrible."

She looked close to tears now, hands tightening at her sides. She averted her gaze from him. "I could barely take that for a few months, and you? You dealt with it for years. Even when away from Prime's weird fucking space circus he had going on, you still dealt with it." She let out a shaky laugh, covering her face with a hand. "Jeez, Hordak, you're still so dense. I don't give a shit if you don't deserve this 'fairy-tale-happy-ending', you _need_ it." 

His breath caught in his chest as her words hit him. It was as if his brain decided to stop working right then and there. Slowly, she ran a hand through her hair, straightened her posture, and took a deep breath that was let out in a long sigh. “I’m not saying this ‘cause I like you, or anything. I still haven’t fully forgiven you. It’s just…” She looked him straight in the eyes, voice firm, “I don’t think either of us deserve to suffer anymore.” 

He was absolutely dumbstruck. It didn't even register to him that he was frozen until she waved a hand across his view. He blinked back to reality and looked at her. Two people, seemingly worlds apart in terms of mindset and thought, now sharing a moment over their horrible experiences. And in this moment, Hordak found himself doing something he never thought he'd ever do for her.

He smiled. 

\---

"Are you positive, Catra, that you're not the one who goes on these so called 'spiels'?"

"Shut the hell up, old man. You're lucky I was nice this time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it this far, I thank you. Got off my ass an used my 0 years of writing experience to bring you this. I can't believe a SPoP fic will be my first contribution to this site. I hope you liked the somewhat rocky intro into what I'm hoping will be a long fic. Entrapta will come along soon I promise <3
> 
> Obviously Catra still doesn't fully trust him at this point, but after the absolute garbage they were both subjected to she can't help but at least reach out.


	2. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hordak, Entrapta, Emily and Kadroh return to Dryl

* * *

Despite his best efforts, Hordak didn't sleep much that night.

After his... surprising run-in with Catra, Hordak was out of it. Her words did little to comfort him, they actually had the opposite effect . He felt like he had an obligation now to prove himself to others. It had been easy for Catra to understand him; he hated to admit it, but they shared a mutual awareness about the entire situation. But the other princesses? How would he prove that he has changed? 

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he failed to notice a certain lavender-haired princess sneak up behind him.

"Hordak!" she said, with the same enthusiasm she always held. Her sudden appearance nearly made him jump. "The princesses agreed to let you return to Dryl with me! And by that I mean Adora… Anyways, it's a long walk from here so you need to get a good night's sleep." She beamed up at him, and in that moment Hordak realized just how much he missed that smile. She continued to talk as she led him to his own tent - one hastily set up for the clones. 

That brought him to where he was currently: sitting alone in a dark tent, listening to the distant chirping of the wildlife. One sound in particular stood out to him. Cicadas, if he remembered correctly, was the name Entrapta had mentioned. Their calls rang in his ears and seemed to bounce around within his skull, the constant droning not unlike the eerie hum of the Hivemind. The buzzing prevented him from getting much sleep. 

He hadn't really planned on sleeping much tonight, anyway. For one, clones didn't need much sleep. They were made to be perfectly fine running on the absolute bare minimum. What deterred him even more, however, was the constant nightmares. He knew he was prone to them, they visited him almost every night since crashing on Etheria. He didn't expect that to magically change now that Horde Prime was gone, no matter how much he wished it would. 

He had hoped that he would be tired enough that his thoughts would be calm during his sleep. Even when he was able to shut the humming of the cicadas out, a single flash of a distant memory made sure he would not rest. He decided then that perhaps it was best if he just stayed awake.

\--

The next morning came quickly enough. From the moment the sun was cresting the eastern horizon, Hordak was out of his tent. It wasn't long after when Entrapta and Emily found him and dragged him away. The walk to Dryl was far, she had said. He was just happy to leave the wretched campsite, all while accompanied by the one person he trusted. But he was stopped by another voice, one he never heard.

“Brother! I hope you do not mind me accompanying you and our other brother back to Dryl!”

He stopped in his tracks. Slowly, he turned around to face the voice’s owner.

“Who. Is. He?” Hordak’s ears were drawn downward and flattened against his head. The question came out more as a statement - unintentionally - but he just couldn’t hide his disgust. This other clone looked nearly identical to him - as all of them did - but was clearly more adjusted to Etheria. He shot a quizzical look towards his lab partner.

She stood there for a moment before she fully realized what was going on. “Ooooohhhh, I didn’t tell you? This is Kadroh, formerly known as Wrong Hordak, and he helped us a lot while we were fighting Prime!” Her upbeat attitude showed that she was absolutely oblivious to Hordak’s rising discomfort. Not only had this clone been at one point mistaken for him, but he also was accepted into the Rebellion’s ranks without a second thought.

What was this feeling? Jealousy, perhaps? No, why would he care if one of his Brothers was accepted into the Princess gang? He could not stand most of them anyways…

Entrapta must have seen the look on Hordak’s face and known something was wrong, because she spoke up. “He’s really good at cooking... Maybe he can come with us?” 

How could he say no? He was too tired to argue, anyways. “I… I suppose he can join us. As long as he doesn’t talk.” 

The clone rushed up to hug Hordak. “Oh thank you, esteemed Brother! I will forever be grateful!” 

Kadroh was quickly pushed away.

\-- 

Hordak held no fondness for travelling, especially with others. He usually only did it when he absolutely needed too, and would usually take the fastest mode of transportation possible. He simply found it uninteresting. With Entrapta, however, he found that he actually enjoyed it. Her voice was pleasant to listen to, and he enjoyed the sparkle in her eye. She mentioned everything that happened while he was gone, all the new things she had discovered while in space, and she even stopped multiple times to inspect the foliage around them. Emily had even let out a few content  _ bloops. _

"I've never been much of a botanist," she admitted, hovering over a few plants that caught her eye. "However, there's just so much data we can collect from these! I've never seen this species before. Perhaps She-Ra's powers can support new life?" She laughed with excitement as she collected a few root samples. She then took out her datapad and approached a nearby stream.

Hordak of course followed her closely, Kadroh walking behind him. He saw her stop near the water’s edge, shifting down to her haunches. "There may even be new microbial life in the water now that the planet underwent such a change. We need to run tests on the whole place!." She grabbed a flask from her bag and held it just above the stream, letting the water slowly flow into the glass. Hordak loomed over her shoulder as he observed, unintentionally catching the reflection of himself in the crystal clear water.

In that moment, a horrible fear solidified in his heart as he hopelessly stood over the edge of the stream. His ears instinctively flattened against his head and his teeth bared. The foreign green eyes stared back at him, lifeless and unfamiliar. Kadroh was over his shoulder, but all Hordak could think of was  _ Prime standing over him. _ This was Prime's image, this is what  _ he  _ wanted. Prime had torn everything he worked for away from him. His mind that he tried so adamantly to preserve, gone in a mere instant. All it took was one dip in that green pool, and it would all be gone.

He stumbled backwards away from the water, trying to distance himself as much as he could. He recalled  _ everything, _ every word whispered to him and every invasion of his mind. Every moment where Prime stood over him, caressing his face with those cold talons. He still felt it- the bitter, subzero temperature of the purification pool washing over him. He still smelt the awful mix of hydrogen peroxide and other sterilants used to purify and cleanse him. He still heard those voices, the soulless chanting of his Brothers.

**_"All beings must suffer to become pure!"_ **

"Hordak!" He felt two hands grip his shoulders. His vision focused on who was in front of him. Entrapta, in a mix of worry and urgency, had dropped what she was doing and was now eye level with Hordak. All he could do was stare back at her, trying to ground himself to the present.  _ He wasn't one of them. He was Hordak. _

She glanced him over and, positive that he was stable, gave one last squeeze and let go of his shoulders. He wanted to ask her to stay, but before he could find the words she was already stepping back. She stayed close though; she always did. "It's okay, Hordak," her voice was soft and reassuring. "You're free now. It'll be alright." 

_ You're free now. _

Yes. He was free. He had destroyed Prime and defied his will. His hand rose to the spot between his collarbones, the same spot where Entrapta's crystal once sat. He was free.

Hordak silently promised to avoid his reflection after that.

\--

By the time they arrived in Dryl, every muscle in Hordak's body ached. It was a constant, throbbing pain branching out from his cybernetic ports. His knees threatened to buckle under him as he followed closely behind Emily and Entrapta. Kadroh offered him an arm to use as support, but he had refused. Their walk had taken the entire day, the sun had set nearly an hour ago. As they entered Crypto Castle, he marveled at the sleek structure around him, the winding passageways of the castle allowed for a cool breeze within the halls. 

"I made sure to disengage and power down many of the traps I had before I left. I don't know  _ exactly _ which ones I tinkered with, though..." she laughed nervously as she continued down the halls. "I'm sure you must be exhausted though, so I'll show you to the royal quarters. Fancy name, right?"

"I guess so. You are a princess, after all! ” Hordak nearly face palmed at Kadroh’s words.

They continued down a few more hallways, passing picture frames and a multitude of large rooms. Entrapta briefly explained what each room was for, promising to give him and Kadroh the full tour tomorrow. Their steps echoed softly throughout the building, rivaled only by the faint humming of the self-preserving engines and electrical grid beneath the castle. 

"Ahh, we're here!" Entrapta stopped so abruptly that Hordak nearly crashed into her. She clasped her hands together and let out a content sigh. "I've missed this place so  _ much _ . We have to do some renovating though, it's looking a little worn down! We also have to fix some electrical issues, ventilation problems, air conditioning problems... Well, we have to fix a lot in general..."

She led them into the quarters. He surveyed the dimly lit room, eyes roaming the area. He could see why it was called the royal quarters now: the place was  _ massive.  _ He saw a workbench and a vanity situated on one side of the room, two giant glass doors leading out to a balcony, and a massive bed. It was neatly made and looked as if it had been undisturbed for years. He didn't even know they were made that big.

He awkwardly cleared his throat.

“Oh! I forgot to mention, you can sleep in here.” Her mood then changed as her eyes narrowed, staring Hordak down. “Based on my observations today, you're extremely tired, and you’re hurt. You've been moving stiffly ever since we left camp, too. The other beds aren’t as soft as mine.” She crossed her arms over her chest and eyed him with determination. She wasn't going to budge, and Hordak did  _ not  _ want to test her. 

“You really notice everything, don’t you,” Kadroh asked. Hordak sighed and she smiled in victory.

"Of course I do, I wouldn’t be a very good scientist if I didn’t! I have to go prepare the lab for tomorrow, anyways. We were technically asked to start work on schematics for Salineas, but I think we should get you some new armor first.” She took a moment to smile at him. She was out the door in the blink of an eye, leading Kadroh away to his room.

“Goodnight…” Hordak sighed, slowly moving towards the bed and sitting down on the sheets. The armor that was fused to his cybernetics chafed against his skin and ports. It wasn't designed with comfort or mobility in mind, more so uniformity and practicality. He realized he was meant to die in it. The best he could do was take the cape and belt connecting the extra pieces of cloth off. What he was left with was the main tabard and the leggings. It wasn't ideal, but it would have to do for now.

He maneuvered his way under the heavy comforter and briefly stared at the ceiling. He reached into one of the hidden pockets of his garment, carefully pulling out the familiar pink plated crystal. He ran his thumb along the foreign First One’s engraving on its surface. He still didn’t know what it meant, he never was able to decode their language. ‘ _ Maybe I will ask Entrapta one day _ .’ 

With this, he turned on his side and placed the crystal on the nightstand beside him. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad tonight. He finally had a future to look forward to; A new beginning, a chance for him to do what he wants. 

No, not bad at all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definitely not me returning to this fic after like, what... 5 months? I'm re-watching She-Ra with my friend and I got a burst of inspiration. I can't believe I abandoned my babies :'( . I've been stressed and may or may not have forgotten about this bad boy. Haha..... are there still fans of this show out there? I'm always afraid that when I come back from a hiatus I'll be returning to a ghost town. But hey, if you remembered this fic or are new thanks for stopping by. I'll see if I can get the next chapter out before the world ends. 
> 
> ALSO - I know this is kinda moving at breakneck speeds but I promise it'll slow and chill out soon. I gotta get all the story points in place first and then we'll just roll with it. This is meant to read as short stories with an overarching plot, so each chapter can be read as a one shot but will contribute to an overall story. Maybe. Or I might just change the entire thing halfway through. Or it'll be a mix of both. We'll see how it goes. Can't you tell I am a master planner?


End file.
